No Matter What
by Arwen4eva
Summary: Emma knows that Killian finding out about her vision, especially in the way she was forced to reveal it, was hard - and cruel - for him. However, she does not realise the anger and hurt that her pirate feels and that consequently pushes both of them to the breaking point. I DO NOT OWN ONCE UPON A TIME! One-shot.


**A/N: This fic is set after 6x05 and an AU onwards from that - Killian did not keep the shears in this either. I felt rather angsty when writing this but I couldn't keep CaptainSwan apart... This is only a one-shot as I am very content with the ending as it is.**

 **Anyone else pretty annoyed that there is no Once tomorrow? (well, Monday morning for me since I'm in the UK) Not happy at all, especially with everything that is going on with Rumbelle and those cute CaptainSwan promo pics...**

 **Anyway, enough of that and on with the story...**

 **Enjoy!**

Emma knows that Killian finding out about her vision, especially in the way she was forced to reveal it, was hard - and cruel - for him. Despite everything that they have gone through and finding their way back to each other, they will once again lose one half of their partnership; this time, however, there is no hope for returning to each other. Their relationship has never been easy, never been without tragedy in some form or consequence, but that has never stopped them; their love only blossoming and growing in strength with each passing second.

She cannot help but notice that her pirate changes once he has been told. He has always been affectionate with her, more so when it is just the two of them sharing a private moment, but he has noticeably increased his level of affection at all times of the day. He is holding her tighter to him at night, surrounding her with his body as if he can shield her from the outside world and the constant threat it poses. His kisses have become more passionate, his hook at her lower back or her shoulders to push her closer as his hand cradles her cheek, threads through her hair. She finds that they are now always in some form of contact when they're together; hand-in-hand as they walk around town, his arm around her waist or around her shoulders when they sit side-by-side - whether they are in a booth at Granny's or on their couch at home, his hook resting on her leg when she drives.

Emma's suspicions only grow when a few days after him finding out, Killian visits her at the Station at five different times of the day before arriving at the end of her shift so they could drive home together.

She allows his constant, and close, presence for a few more days after until she feels very overwhelmed by all of the attention he is giving her. Particularly, when she returns from dropping Henry off at Regina's after school and he rushes up to her, pulling her into his body and holding her tight enough that she struggles to breathe.

He draws back, his hand going to her cheek as their foreheads come together.

"Thank goodness." he mumbles into her skin. "I was so worried."

Emma pulls back, her left hand raising to clasp his wrist as her right goes to his waist, just above his belt before grabbing it.

"What's wrong, Killian? Why were you worried?" she questions.

"You only went to get Henry - you should have been back twenty minutes ago."

Emma drops her arms. "I don't have a curfew, Killian Jones." she says, her voice firm. "You cannot specify when I come home."

Killian wraps his arms around her waist. "Apologies, love. It didn't mean to come out like that." Emma nods and steps closer to him, her head going into the crook of his neck. "Could you at least let me know if you will not be returning when you said you would?"

Emma pulls back and takes a few steps behind so they are no longer in contact. "Okay, seriously? What is going on with you?"

Killian looks at Emma confused, with a hint of guilt which Emma sees. "What do you mean, Swan? Everything is fine; I was just worried."

"No," Emma shakes her head. "you have been acting strange for a week now and this all started when you found out about the visions."

Killian runs his hand through his hair before scratching behind his ear. "I'm not sure what you are talking about, love."

Emma raises an eyebrow before sighing, rubbing her hands on her jeans. "You worrying when I don't come home at a specific time, the way you hold me tighter at night, you always make sure you are touching me in some way as if the moment you don't, I will disappear." She gestures downwards, her hand now gripped within his after he grabbed it whilst she was speaking.

"It is just because I love you so much, Emma." Killian dismisses, pulling her closer. "Words are simply not enough to express how I feel."

"What about a few days ago? You came to the station at five different times during the day before coming a sixth time as I was finishing up so you could drive home with me. What is going on?"

"Emma..."

"No, Killian. No more bloody excuses!" Emma exclaims and moves towards the kitchen when Killian says nothing. She walks up to the sink, bracing her hands over the side.

"Can you really blame me?" Killian asks and Emma turns suddenly to face him. Killian's jaw clenches a few times before he continues. "Can you blame me for being so worried and wanting to love you?"

"You're not acting like yourself-"

"You are not like you, Emma." Killian immediately counters. "You told me that you didn't need your armour anymore - especially with me. But you kept something so huge, so _destructive_ to our relationship, to yourself."

"How was I meant to tell you such a thing?!" Emma throws, her arms raising above her head for a moment. "Oh, by the way, the future we thought that we could finally have cannot happen any more because I am going to bloody die soon!"

"You could have said _something_!"

"You know now! What is the issue?!" Emma shouts, eyes blazing in Killian's direction.

Killian runs his hand through his hair and turns away for a moment. Emma sees his fist clench in his hair, tugging on the strands sharply before it roughly falls to his side. He whirls back around and Emma is surprised to see such anger on his features; anger so strong it reminds her of when he was the Dark One, but worse.

"You didn't even trust me enough to tell me!" he screams out, making Emma shrink away slightly. "You didn't stop to think about how betrayed I feel that you didn't willingly say anything to me. You didn't think of me at all despite it involving a big part of my future!"

"It was because it is your future, your happy ending, being taken away that I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to treat me any differently." Emma shoots back, feeling tears beginning to form in her eyes as her anger builds.

"No, you were too much of a coward to bloody say anything! Despite everything we have had to go through-"

Killian suddenly breaks down, sobs forcing their way out of his mouth and tears fall rapidly from his crystal blue eyes. Emma is momentarily taken aback, having never seen Killian cry like this before she moves forwards to console him.

Killian pushes her away when she gets too close and shaking his head, swiftly moves to the couch. He grabs his jacket and is close to running to quickly reach the front door. He ignores Emma's pleas to stay and leaves their house, sadness and anger crushing him.

...

Emma spent the next passing hour unable to do anything but feel her guilt crushing her, tears escaping of their own volition and her hand shaking uncontrollably; visions grasping her at an alarming frequency.

 _'I need Killian'_ she thinks desperately, her breaths in an irregular pattern as panic sets in. _'I need him...'_

In a puff of smoke, Emma manages to transport herself to the docks first try and immediately sees Killian sitting in "their place"; the wall that looks out on to the horizon.

"Killian." Emma sobs, her vision threatening to consume her again and it _scares_ her.

Killian quickly turns around and when he sees Emma trying to move towards him looking so broken and frightened, he scrambles up and grabs hold of her. Her knees almost give out and he holds her tighter to keep her upright, his hand moving to hold the back of her head as she pushes her face into his neck before it goes to her back.

"Easy, Emma. Focus on me." Killian mumbles soothingly into her ear, his hand now rubbing calming circles into her back.

He can clearly feel Emma's hand shaking where it is pinned against his chest and it is only when she suddenly gasps that he realised she has just had the vision again. Emma pushes away from him, wobbling for a moment before running her palms roughly over her face. Killian guides her to their seat on the wall, Emma sitting to his left. She is the one who sits sideways this time, draping her left leg over Killian's lap whilst her right remains grounded to the floor.

Emma rests her forehead against his shoulder for a few seconds, trying to calm herself before raising her head to look at him. His hand is resting on her leg, his thumb swiping comfortingly every so often. The kohl that lines his eyes is smudged more than normal, doing nothing to hide the redness there and Emma realises that she is not the only one who has been crying this past hour.

"I'm sorry, Killian." Emma says, her voice quiet. She raises her left hand to his cheek, turning him so he is facing her, and her right hand goes to the nape of his neck, threading into the tendrils of hair there. "I should not have kept the visions a secret from you and you were right - I was a coward. I still am."

"Emma-" Killian tries to interject.

"Just... let me finish?" Emma asks, knowing it all needs to be said at once.

Killian nods, his hand coming up to clasp her wrist and keep her hand on his cheek; comforting one another.

"I am so scared about my vision. I know it has to be soon since everyone looks exactly as they are now, and that completely terrifies me." Emma says, keeping her gaze fixed to Killian's; everything out in the open for him to see now. "But I don't feel like that because I know that I am going to die, it is because I know what I will be forced to leave.

"I finally found my parents, I have my son and I have you. But, now, that is being taken away. Mum and Dad are going to lose their daughter; again. Henry will lose one of his mothers and believes that it is his fault. And you, the man I love with everything I am, will lose his happy ending; his reason for living the life he is today. It really scares me to know that I am taking that away from everyone, from you, because I am the bloody Saviour."

Killian shifts to embrace Emma but she shakes her head and he stills.

"Your happiness means everything to me, Killian. The fact that we have dealt with so much to get to where we are today is so unfair but to know that I will ruin everything we fought for..." Emma stops, tears pooling in her eyes and a lump forming in her throat.

But that is nothing compared to Killian who is struggling to contain his sobs. Tears are spilling down his face at an alarming rate and his breathing is so erratic, Emma is amazed that he is still conscious. She grabs hold of him and pulls his body to hers. His head goes to her shoulder and he allows his sobs to surface, knowing he is safe in Emma's arms.

It takes a few very long minutes until Killian is able to form a coherent sentence.

"I cannot say goodbye; not again - not another time." he chokes out and Emma tugs on his hair gently, pulling his head up.

"Oh, Killian." she breathes out. Her hands run over his cheeks, removing the traces of his tears from his face before resting her hands there. "I can't either."

"I don't want to lose you again. I have lost everyone I love in the past and I cannot go through that again; not when we are finally beginning to live." Killian says. He sniffs a few times before fixing his gaze solely on Emma's. "You're scared if what you would leave behind... I am terrified of being left behind; being that scared, lost little boy once more. I would much prefer following you back down to the bloody Underworld and staying with you forever."

"Killian-"

"I am nothing if you are not by my side, Emma Swan. Ever since you told me of your visions, I haven't wanted to waste a single moment in your presence to show you just how much I love you, and to say that I will never give up on us."

Emma feels tears swiftly return to her eyes, yet she makes no effort to remove them. Killian tugs her in halfway, his hand easily threading into her golden tresses. Their kiss is slow, tender as they channel their conflicting emotions towards each other; reaching an equilibrium between the two of them.

It is Emma who draws back first, their noses sliding against each other before their foreheads come together.

"I am so sorry for earlier." Emma apologises, her voice just above a whisper. "I shouldn't have spoken to you like that."

"No, Swan," Killian objects, placing a small kiss to her lips. "I should apologise. It was completely unfair of me to talk to you in such a way."

Emma pulls back and shakes her head. "You were right to say what you did, Killian. I should have told you. I didn't want it to seem like I don't trust you because I trust you more than anyone. You are my true love and I am as good as dead now, knowing that we will be separated once again."

"Emma..." Killian starts, then looses his words, unable to say anything.

"Just remember something, Killian; no matter what, I love you so much. If it came down to saving myself or saving you and my family, I would sacrifice myself a million times over. I will fight for you until the very last beat of my heart."

"I don't want to have to say another goodbye, Emma." Killian whispers and Emma brings him back into her arms, leaning her head against his as it rests back on her shoulder.

"I really don't think I can deal with another goodbye either." Emma admits and she sways them ever-so-slightly; mimicking the gentle rocking of the Jolly Roger. "Which is why I promise to fight my fate, Killian. I will do everything I possibly can to stay with you; no matter what it takes, we will have the future we deserve to live - together."

Killian presses a gentle kiss to her neck. "No matter what?"

Emma kisses his forehead and holds her pirate tighter to her. "No matter what."

 **End note: Please review! :)**


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